Blessing & Joy

So, hear me out on this post.  I really intended to have this blog as more of a shallow journal.  But here's something on my heart I would love to share.  SO many of my friends are in very similar places in life as me and I feel like this post could be an encouragement to others.

Will and I have been married almost 5 months.  I can't even believe it! It has seriously been the best 5 months, but on a non superficial level, it's also been a roller coaster.  We are both stubborn as mules and we butt heads.  People say that your first year of marriage is either your easiest or your hardest.  I honestly think that it will probably be one of our harder years.  Luckily, when you are in love with your absolute best friend, the hard days aren't even that hard.  We get in little arguments but then it's usually over with and we go on to be all lovey-dovey.

The reason I feel as though the first year will be hardest for us is because most of the little arguments we get in pertain to something we're having to adjust to by living together. We're both having to adjust to living with someone we know we will be living with for the rest of our lives.  Most of the time they're silly things like picking stuff up that is laying around the apartment, or not leaving stuff all over the bathroom counter, or putting dishes in the dishwasher.  Unfortunately, on days when I am exhausted after work or frustrated about something, Will is the easiest person to take it out on.  But I am always left feeling horrible afterwards.

I have been reading a book called Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss.  As I read on into the chapter about lies women believe in marriage, I couldn't help but examine myself and my heart.  I found myself guilty of expecting fairytale things from Will.  I wanted to come home some days to him cleaning and making dinner as a surprise.  Don't get me wrong, he does sweet things for me all the time.  But they do not include cooking and cleaning.  My frustration took a heavy toll on my heart and I just found myself to be bitter every time we were in our tiny Atlanta apartment and he had something laying around.

I came to a subsection of this chapter on marriage where it was talking about a lie we believe as women that our husbands are supposed to save us.  If you believe the Bible and believe what it says about the roles for men and women, then you would know that God made the woman to be the helper for the man.  BUT she goes on to say

"…this does not mean that men are not to serve their wives and children.  If men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, there must be the willingness to lay down their lives and become servants, even as Christ did for His bride.  But if we as women focus on what we "deserve", or our "rights," or on what men "ought" to do for us, we will become vulnerable to hurt and resentment when our expectations are not fulfilled."

THEN came the kick to the stomach:

"Blessing and joy are the fruit of seeking to be a giver rather than a taker and of looking for ways to bless, serve, and minister to the needs of our families."

That was what I needed to hear.  I need to be a giver.  I was/am selfish, and I wanted everything my way.  I wanted my husband who goes to work for 10 hours a day to come home and clean and cook while I watched T.V. and surprise me with all of these perfect dates and little gifts and cute ideas that are a dream.  I take for granted and look past everything he does for me and enter my own little world of self-pity and imagining everyone's "perfect" marriages and ALL the sweet things their husbands do for them.

I have found myself in a much more joyful place since reading that and since studying scripture on what God has called me to as a wife.  If there is anyone that reads this silly blog and is struggling with something similar to this, just know that you're not alone.  And there are plenty of other women that probably secretly agree with this blog but would never admit it about themselves or their marriages.  Marriage is work.  There is no lie in that.  But it is also the biggest blessing!! I wouldn't trade it for anything!